分享：我的自閉症經歷 My autistic experience | 雪莉卡迪 Sherri Cady
我名字叫雪莉。 大約 在11 年前，我因病不得不做一套高強度的化療，又因為化療會引起極度的噁心，所以同時服用了抗噁心的藥物。而這種藥物是有副作用，我隨后被診斷出患有這類藥物所引起的精神性病症，其表現為自閉症狀。
當時我是一名性格外向的商學院講師，從不畏懼而且習慣課堂上，在一大群學生面前講課； 然而，服藥所帶來的自閉症改變了我的性格和行為方式。 我無法在公眾面前開口，並且畏懼與人直視。我不再外向了，總是低著頭眼睛注視地上。更無法與他人溝通中有互動和交流。 因為與人交流的不適感給我帶來了很大壓力，甚至連上街購物我都不敢自己去，因為在購物時不但要與人交流，而且還時常需要抬起頭來在貨架上尋找所要的東西，這些對我而言都是壓力。坦率地說，我恐懼任何可能性—-因‘超負荷’而引起的不適。我記得在電視上曾看到一個關於跳虱的報導，那種想像中與肌膚接觸所引發的不適感即刻觸發了我的不安。為了釋放和擺脫這種不安的躁動情緒，我常常會通過身體的擺動、哭泣或其他類似行為來讓自己平靜下來。 更多時候，我會在屋裡來回不停的踱步。 我的焦慮程度時常會變化，老公便買了iPad和下載了一些有趣的游戲（比如電影Rio)。當我極度焦慮時，便籍此來吸引我的注意力和安慰我。任何事情都有可能引起這種焦慮，比如鄰居造訪按一下門鈴，又或者自己家里偶爾的狗叫聲。為了躲避與人接觸我常常自己靜靜的坐在院子的角落裡。然而這一切竟然在我改用另一種化療和抗噁心的藥物后完全改變了，我又恢復了原本的自我。 我真的很感激。
這段經歷使我深刻懂得和體體到作為自閉症患者有多艱難，以及他們所表現出的對周圍的恐懼，他們生活的不容易。設身處地的理解自閉症患者，換位思考他們的所想， 打開你的心扉去了解他們的經歷和體驗是什麼樣子。 儘管我的經歷對我而言是段痛苦的回憶，但它卻使我對那些患有自閉症的人產生了更多的同情心、耐心和理解。塞翁失馬言之患福。從這段經歷中悟出的知識和體驗確是無價的（尤其是作為一名教自閉症學生的老師）。
雪莉卡迪
退休教學教授，商學院
2022 年 5 月 23 日
About 11 years ago, I completed a strong chemotherapy regimen and experienced an unusual side effect from the anti-nausea drug; I was diagnosed with a psychosis related to the anti-nausea drug and exhibited autistic actions.
At the time, I was a business community college instructor with an outgoing personality, and I was used to giving lectures in front of large groups of students; however, my personality and actions changed. The way I experienced the world would not be the same. I was not able to speak and look directly at anyone in the eye. I would look down. I was no longer outgoing, and I could not understand the nuances of communicating with others. Going to the grocery store by myself was stressful as I did not want to look at anyone, but I somehow had to look up every so often to find an item on the shelf. Quite frankly, I was terrified of anything that would send me into an “overload state.” I recall seeing a news story on TV about bedbugs and immediately reacted by rocking, crying, and other behaviors to calm myself; many times, I would pace the floor. At various times my anxiety was high; my husband bought an iPad and purchased fun/amusing movies (e.g., the movie Rio) I could play to reduce my anxiety. If anyone rang our doorbell and my dog barked, I would get anxiety. Sometimes I would sit outside away from everyone to calm myself. Once I switched to another type of chemotherapy and anti-nausea drug after several months, I was back to being myself. I was grateful.
The experience taught me how difficult and terrifying it is to exhibit autistic behaviors; I could not control how I reacted to my environment. It is difficult for the person who is autistic; it is not easy to be that person. Open your heart and mind to understand what it would be like to be that person. Even though my experience was terrifying, I developed much more empathy, patience, and understanding for those who experience autism, and this silver lining was priceless (especially as an instructor who at times taught autistic students).
Sherri Cady
Retired Teaching Professor, Business
May 23, 2022
